If you have read any of my free writings you would know that this woman that I love has a hold of my heart. I think more than wanting to rekindle a dying flame; I just want to fall in love again. There is a difference between being lost without her and just plain old tired of being alone. I’m tired of avoiding going out to eat because I don’t want to eat by myself. I tire of the coldness of my sheets and I am so tired of trying to act like everything is alright. Nothing is the same and I just wish that I could cope a little better. I have all this money in the bank and no one to spend it on. I have all this energy and enthusiasm and I am only getting older. I see all the things that I am missing out on but I won’t allow myself to act like a victim to this. Sure, in my writings I can only express the truth in my heart but my hope is that when people see me I don’t simply radiate with self pity. My aim is to emit some sort of light that is attractive to those around me. My goal is to glow in such a way that my personality just spills over into the laps of my friends, giving them the motivation get over themselves.
I think back on the way that I used to be and I am happy about the fact that I have changed inside. I have changed for the better in the way that I treat people and it is as if my heart knows better than to assume that people will always be there. I used to assume that she would always be there but look at how that blew up in my smug face. So the, “new me” so to speak, is trying to be more humble and gracious and conscious to the fact that people are precious. [I wish I could explain some things without using classic clichés.]