It’s funny the things you miss when they are gone, the people, the places that seem to ring forever inside of you and leave behind a tender longing and fond memories. If you asked me six months ago what I thought the best thing in my life was I would have told you that I don’t know. However if you ask me now what I think the most important thing in my life is I will stand up and tell you that being a good man is the only thing I care about. She left such a stain on which I am that most nights I recall all the unfortunate choices I made and I want to be different. When does change truly begin in a person? Is it when that person becomes sick to their stomach of the consequences of their actions or is it when they realize that nothing they do or no amount of materials can bring them the kind of satisfaction that loving another person can bring? I search most nights for a cure to my ailments and I wake up in the morning having found nothing beneficial to me and slowly my drive is diminished. I want to earn for myself a new sense of being because some things in this life I have found are simply worth fighting for. Some things mean so much for so long that they become the sole purpose of your life and the key reason why you make the decisions you make and the reason why you start the car in the morning and drive. I miss being able to hop in the car and go and I miss the trips out of town with her and I miss just laying in the bed and letting her long pretty hair fall on my eyes. I miss giving gifts and bringing a smile to her face and I miss taking care of her when she was ill. I miss the beginning, when we would stay up late at night just talking on the phone and laughing. I miss the times when we would wrestle on the bed and wind up on the floor making love. I miss taking showers with her and I miss the smell of her sweet perfume. Still, all I want is to be a better man, to somehow not fall victim of the flaws in me that lead me to the place where I am.