Sometimes we lose track of what is important to us; sometimes we allow our first love to be overshadowed by all the other things in life. I have, in the last six weeks, been so preoccupied with finding a job that I have allowed my studies in school to start to take a back burner to this grind. I have let my bible studies take a back seat to this hustle and I am paying the price for those decisions with my emotional state. In the past six weeks I have been frustrated more than in the past six months and I have let an undercurrent of anger boil to the surface, which should have been buried with that old man in me. So this month I choose to rededicate myself to those things that I hold dear in my heart and I am trying to become a better listener of God’s word and just try not to babble on so much in prayer. What you need to know, if you don’t already, is my God is a jealous God. His word says that you shall have no other gods before him and in His book anything that comes first, before him, falls into that category. His still small voice whispers to me and says, “Phillip, pay attention to what you’re doing” it lets me know when I am in dangerous territory. I am always tempted to do wrong because I, in my very nature am prone to do the things that are easiest, but I, over the years have recognized this in myself.
A few days ago I talked to a woman who was fairly indifferent to religious belief systems. She had the perspective of most of the lost. She believes that there is a higher power in her life but at the same time refuses to call him by name. She has been swayed by the ideas of evolution and incorporated them into her own ideals. She is like most of my friends, who ask, “If God is real, then why do all these horrible things happen.” After about a half hour I had hoped that I explained my points, based on scripture, pretty well, but she was done talking. I think most people just don’t want to be held accountable in the end. Talking with her left me feeling spent and once again I was in a whirlwind of emotions.