I woke up this morning and found a long letter goodbye on our nightstand and was simply frozen in bed. I can't say that I was shocked, I just didn't want to move, I didn't want today to be the day when she finally wrenched away. Feels like I've known this day was on the brink for quite some time now but I just never did anything to stop it, and maybe there was nothing I could do. There are no tears this morning, it's just sort of hard to breathe and I feel very groggy all of a sudden. It's time to pull that dusty mask out of the closet and dawn my power tie for another day at the office, although working this job is the last thing on my mind now.
Three cups of coffee later and I'm still half asleep attempting to review her last words to me in my mind. Part of me is frustrated because of everything I have sacrificed to make things work for us, while she takes the cowards way out. Another part of me is still too tightly connected to let my heart say goodbye. Still I reluctantly head out my front door on my way to write my sports column like I have done everyday for the past two years. Oddly I decided to stop at Panera Bread this morning to get a muffin and a more powerful cup of coffee, and as I was headed in, there was this couple headed out. Being the gentleman that I am I held the door for them and they went past me they locked hands, and thier simple display of affection for one another tugged the cloak away from my heart and I was at once vunerable again. I let out a long heavy sigh and for a moment I could be still and then the comfortable fear eased itself into position, while I scrambled to pick up what was stripped from me in those few seconds and I continued to walk into Panera as if nothing had happened. If someone were to have been watching me they would have noticed nothing so I simply ordered and sat in a table towards the back. I was already a few minutes late for work by this time so I thought to myself what's a few more minutes, if it will allow me to center my thoughts, if it will provide me some sense of calm.
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