Cathing up

I should be bombing my psych class right now but I'm not and for the most part I don't really know why. My world has changed so much in every tangible way and in every emotional way as well.It seems that true change is definitely a slow fade. I hace met my own needs at the bottom of the scale pretty well, things such as food water and shelter. I have set goals toward other needs such as this pursuit of higher education and a career in the future, but all of those things are very basic. Yet the other needs I tend to neglect and I think have not been regarded because something in me says that they are unattainable. What does a man become if he chooses to bypass all of his deepest core desires and overlook his wants because they go agianst his beliefs in God? Is he considered to be a 'good man' to his peers or his he seen as a blacksheep throughout his culture? That's how I feel about my life to this point, I feel as if I put myself through unneccesary strain because I refuse to adopt the same beliefs as a large majority of the young people. I don't drink because I used to and I know where that leads you. I don't get high on anything because I watched people throw thier lives away in a bottle of alcohol and crack cocaine.
Everytime I do something God pays me back quick. One time I stole a pack of cookies form the store and then when I got home I didn't have the keys to get in the house. I had to call the locksmith and it cost me like 65 dollars to get them to come open the door for me. That was the most expensive pack of cookies I have ever bought in my life.I just want to do the right thing but often times the lines are blurred between the right and the accpetable. These days so much is accpetable but it is wrong and I try not to straddle the fence on issues. I just dont know sometimes, I mean I like women and I like to remain stimulated but what does HE want from me. The bible says that the man who looks at a women with lustfull eyes has already committed adultery in his heart. Folks I will struggle with that one til He takes me home.